Your family is next

The monkey revolution escalates with assassination of Deputy Mayor!

As reported by The Scotsman:

Deputy mayor killed in fall after wild monkey attack

The deputy mayor of New Delhi, India's capital, has died after being attacked by a pack of wild monkeys at his home.

Deputy Mayor S.S. Bajwa suffered serious head injuries when he fell from the first-floor terrace of his home on Saturday morning trying to fight off the monkeys. He was rushed to hospital, but died yesterday.

The Monkey revolution is real, and it is happening.

And monkey-insurrection ground zero is the Indian capital. Over the years, New Delhians have tried several mostly-fruitless tactics to deal with the growing army of monkey insurgents, including "feed[ing] them bananas and peanuts." While this particular avenue would seem to most outsiders to only stroke the flames of the Monkey-People's Revolution, as it turns out monkeys are believed by devout Hindus to be manifestations of the monkey-god Hanuman. And apparently gods need to be fed. The monkeys may also not be killed or sterilized in accordance with Hindu tradition, which also worships elephant-headed patron saints of intellect and rigorous social stratas. While it is permissible to capture the monkeys and then transport them to a special preserve outside of city limits, as it turns out, it's really hard to catch a monkey.

Most municipalities around the world deal with pest infestation of one form or another. Many American urban centers utilize different combinations of adoption, sterilization, and humane extermination, which—in the least—has never led to a cell of rogue tabby terrorists staging a coup in a major American metropolis.

Yet.

Interestingly enough, while Indian religious institutions may prohibit the killing of the monkeys, it does allow for monkey-on-monkey violence:

Over the years, city authorities have employed monkey catchers who use langurs—a larger monkey—to scare or catch the macaques.

Good thing America never lets religious superstitions interfere with practical and common sense policy.

In closing, here is an artist's rendition of the Deputy Mayor's harrowing ordeal. I include this graphic scene, not to shock, or pander with sensation, but only so we can start to comprehend what is in store for us if we don't act immediately against this fuzzy menace. I've included a few spaces below, so you can avoid this unpleasantness if you wish, but I suggest all my fellow homo-sapiens who care about the future of our species to scroll down and take a good look at what terrrors you may soon face in your home town:


(GRAPHIC DEPICTION AHEAD **NSFW**)...












God protect all human kind.