I'm modern socialist man and so can you.

Deep down from the bowels of cnn.com:

The president has a long list of other "New Man" recommendations: Don't douse foods with too much hot sauce, exercise regularly, eat low-cholesterol foods, respect speed limits.

According to this story, the somewhere-between-awesome-and-scary Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is pushing for his country to pursue moral-correctness in the mode of Modern Socialist Man.

Top on the to-do list: new taxes on alcohol and tobacco as well as on luxury items such as Hummers and artwork. H.C. has gone on to decry his fellow countrymen's vices of the drink, the smoke, the fatty foods, materialism, speeding, use of hot sauce, as well as his nation's apparent fondness for breast enhancement and doctored "'J Lo' buttocks" for teenage girls:

Okay, of all these societal ills, I must admit I don't exactly understand the hot sauce thing. But I will say this: after seeing the positive effects resulting from the numerous smoking bans; taxes; and most importantly, regulations on advertising, have had on the tobacco habits of this country, I yearn for the day when the far more-destructive vice of alcohol faces the same scrutiny.

I guess I am just a modern socialist man living in the anarchist collective called America, but this country will be a better place when local governments levy taxes and implement regulations (though not bans) on alcohol. The Federal government should then utilize its interstate-commerce regulation powers to implement alcoholic ad bans on national media. Perhaps then our young men might not feel that sitting lounging on a couch, growing large with both fat and flatulence, in expectations of non-existent beautiful women to attend to them, is the best choice of one's time. At the same time, a regulated, no-ad policy should also be implemented for marijuana and any other drug that can't readily kill you.

Of course, if you agree with brownish tropical antichrist Hugo Chavez—on anything—then that must mean you too are a fascist godless pinko.

But then, I, like Chavez, also think breast and/or buttocks augmentation surgeries for 15-year-olds are a "horrible thing."

Maybe I should re-evaluate my love for spicy food.